After everything that we've been through this past week
I wish we’d always be this way. That no matter how much I may hate you sometimes, and whatever obstacles we face, you give me the assurance that you’d stand by me and see the brightest side of things. And for that, thank you.
I was never the panicky type. And it takes a lot to make my hands and feet go cold while sweating profusely. But within 24 hours, I have had three panic attacks, which I don’t really know what that means, but I’m assuming that it’s those times that you’re perfectly fine and something triggers your mind to realize the gravity of the situation you’re in and then you simply PANIC like you’ve never done before.
Some people have already commented on my constant state of panic and was wondering what for it was. And I’m really sorry, because most of you trust me so much but this time I’d really rather keep it to myself and my best-est closest friends aka my boyfriend and two other friends who I confide to my deepest secrets.
I have never prayed and wished this hard since I could remember. I could give all my belongings in exchange of this wish. So please God. Forget about everything else I wished for and punish me in some other way. Just not this way. Please please please.
I don’t understand why people fuss over the use of contraception.
IF THEY’RE MARRIED (I needed to emphasize on this, because I’m not in any way promoting pre-marital sex/pregnancy), but doesn’t have the capacity or is not yet ready to raise a child, would it be that wrong to avoid conceiving one?
Do we need more of this? (I do not own any of the photos)
What’s more immoral anyway? Using a condom and wasting your sperm, or starving your children to death, selling their bodies for money, not sending them to school, not even taking care of them AT ALL?
There are too many parents who does not deserve to be parents. Hate on me, then. But I firmly believe that if you can’t raise a child, THEN DON’T HAVE ONE.
Ever since I was a kid, every single time I think that one day I’d stop breathing, I’d have to sleep with my mom for a week. The uncertainty that is with dying isn’t something I’ve come to terms with. How would it feel like to stop breathing, for your heart to stop beating? Where do you go then? Do you wake up and find yourself in heaven or in paradise or anywhere else new? If I get to live in another dimension, will I retain my memories? Will I get to meet God or will I burn in hell? Will I wander aimlessly afterwards?
These questions bother me, really. And how I hate it whenever I open up this fear with someone and they’d laugh at me. I know everybody dies. It’s the one thing no one could change. And I do not wish to live forever. Maybe when I’m old enough to say I’ve lived a full life, death wouldn’t be such a fearsome idea. But until then, good God, please don’t take me.
Just so you know, our house is located at the farthest part of our village. In the Philippines, one of the most common means for transportation is by riding a tricycle (google it up).
To get to the tricycle terminal, I have to walk until I reach the village entrance. It normally takes me an average of ten minutes to get there and five minutes when I’m in a hurry. Since I was early, I took my time walking. I was five steps away from the terminal when I remembered that I left my office ID home. I immediately sent my mom a message to tell her I forgot my ID and I’ll just rush home. I then asked the tricycle driver to get me home first since I forgot something, and the oh-so-nice tricycle driver speedily got me home. Turns out, my mom went to meet me halfway, so I had to look out for her somewhere along the way out. She literally just threw me my ID and the tricycle driver released his frustrated racer persona. Thank you, mister! And he didn’t even ask for extra pay!
Thank goodness I still got to the office early. Nothing much happened today, except for all the hands-on experience I got in the IT department. Transfered assets, deployed equipments, etc.
And then my series of unfortunate events started.
For some reason, my right eye suddenly started to feel a bit stingy. Since I was wearing contact lenses (poor eyesight sucks!), I thought it might be because my eyes are too dry already. I started to continuously blink and something did not feel right. Fortunately, I felt my right eye using my clean hand and found my contact lens hanging from my eyelashes. HOW DID IT GET THERE??? There’s a special solution used for cleaning contact lenses and there wasn’t any around, so guess what I did. I ran to the ladies’ room and put it back in. God. It felt like lots of shampoo in your eye. It must have been weird for those who saw me because I started crying due to the pain. Then it stopped. The pain, I mean. Probably because my eyes are wet again. Gaaah. I’ve never experienced this with other brands of contact lenses before. Ugh.
Come 6 PM and us interns left the office building. It was raining so hard and the sound of thunder was quite prominent even with the sound of rush hour in Eastwood. Good thing I always had an umbrella in my bag, or else I would have been dripping. Not that I wasn’t, though.
I thought I was lucky that a half full jeepney (for non-Pinoys, it’s another means of transportation)
stopped in front of me. Once I sat down, I felt something poking through my thigh. Oh my God, a nail was sticking out from the jeepney seat and it bore a hole through my brand new slacks. DHFSFHSJKDHFSDJGFHJSDGFS You can just imagine me directing evil glares to the jeepney driver who drove like it’s 2012.
Cubao was flooded already by the time I had to get off the jeepney so I had to submerge my flats (and part of my slacks) in dirty flood water. Yuck. I wouldn’t have an issue with it if I was wearing slippers and shorts and if there’s an assurance that the flood water wasn’t a carrier of leptospirosis (hello, google).
At the bus terminal in Farmer’s Plaza, a line is already building up due to the rain and the scarcity of buses to Cavite. I fell in line too and waited for my turn to board the bus. What pissed me off and reduced me to shout out “Hoy! Ano ba? Lahat tayo gustong makauwi. Mahiya nga kayo!” is tons of people line jumping. Come on. I did not get in line so people who just came to get to board the bus before I do. Ugh.
Rant over. More tomorrow. Or during the weekends. Good night! :)
Today is my first day as an intern. And guess what? I woke up late and I woke up to..ACNE. Three ginormous pimples. Right in the middle of my forehead, one on the cheek and one on the chin. Gah. You guys can just imagine my horror.
So I went about panicking since I needed to get to the office by 8:30 AM and it is my first day after all. Gah. I think it’s one of the fastest times I did my make up/put powder on my face, curled my eyelashes and grabbed a lipstick. The purple long sleeves I was supposed to wear lacked a button, so I changed into a dark-colored sleeveless blouse and then just grabbed a green coat from my cabinet and rushed off. Thank God it was chilly.. gave me the opportunity to wear that coat. Yay!
I got there by 8 AM and waited. While sitting in the lobby, I realized why the guard downstairs was so nice. If a person takes a calculated peek, you can glimpse my nude-colored lace brassiere. Gah.
Rushed to the ladies’ room and asked the lady janitor if she had a safety pin somewhere. Thank God for women like her who took the time to buy one for me and helped me put it there. I got to sign the contract by 9 AM and then took care of all the other necessary papers. I reported to the supervisor by 11 AM and found four other trainees in there as well.
Pam, the girl I will replace (her internship ends next week), and I had an instant connection. Truthfully, I chatted up the guys first because (call me whatever you want to call me) I’m more wary with girls. With guys, you just have to smile at them and start off the conversation with one simple question. Within five minutes, we were all chatting as if I’ve been there for a week already. And then I asked them to introduce me to Pam and next thing I knew, we went to lunch together (well, along with the guys) and shared make up tips and the like.
Our shift ends at 6 PM, and contrary to my expectations, it was quite easy to get a ride home. There are buses in Farmer’s Plaza (near Gateway, Ali Mall, etc.) going to Tagaytay, and it doesn’t even fill up with people quickly. Aaaand I just got home.
Might be telling you guys more about my work during the weekend since I’m tired and I have to wake up early tomorrow. Good night!
UGH. I just re-read what I just typed. I’m so random and my thoughts are, as usual, unorganized.
BTW. I received some heartwarming compliments today. Some from Tumblr (and new followers, yay! I wonder what you saw in my blog. Haha!) and some in real life (whatever, I’m sleepy). Seriously though, thank you.